Vaguely about what’s on my mind right now
(A quick note to those who aren’t in the know, I have tried to convince myself to post about either my photography and/or Intelligi at least twice a week. It’s proven to be tougher than I had expected. . . So to get myself talking, I’m just going to talk.)
I've Got A Fish
This is my fish. He was given to me not really as a gift, but out of the need for the previous owner to have a reliable source of information on Wohin (Said fishes name). Since I still stay in touch with her, and because I’m also a bit of a photog, it was a win-win. For both of us. This little guy has crazy amounts of character for a fish, and he can be incredibly fun to watch and interact with. I say interact because he actually will interact with you. It’s weird. And awesome. But kinda weird. Mostly awesome. See that leaf in his cage? he’ll actually lay down on it and sleep. When you feed him he’s so excited he won’t even notice that you’ve fed him until you walk away. He’ll just keep staring at you and “dancing” with excitement. When he does finally get around to finding the flakes floating behind him, he doesn’t just eat. He HUNTS his fishy flakes, one at a time. If you interrupt him while he’s eating? He’ll give you a skeptical fishy face, and then spit his food out at you. That “Mask” mask in the back? He’ll do loops through the mouth and eyes. He’ll do “cat” moves too, where he’ll race around his cage and then dive behind the mask and try to be sneaky about it.
But Wohin's Got An Issue
About six weeks after Wohin moved into my apartment, I noticed a small lump on his right side just above his anal fin. Since then (Holy shit, has it been almost six months since he moved in?!?!) the lump has gotten bigger and bigger, with all of my attempts to remedy the ailment failing. And for some reason, his right side has some discoloration, and lackluster scales. He’s still as lively as ever and has made no indication that he even notices the now pea sized lump in his side, but I can’t imagine that he’s not feeling it. It must just be that his fishy little brains can’t comprehend that it means anything bad. But I see it everyday, and everyday when I wake up and everyday when I get home I check on him and his lump. And every time that I change his water I’ve tried something new to see if it helps with his little issue.
And that gets me thinking about the animals that we care about in our lives, and the stress that can arise from having them in our lives. Wohin is a fish. he will have very little effect on this world, if any at all. And if he does it will only be on the people that have interacted with him and gotten to know him. And even then it’s probably not life altering. But I love the hell out of this little guy. I’m going to cry when he dies, and I’m hoping that I can prolong his life as long as possible so that I can have as much time with him as I can. The author of the webcomic The Oatmeal, Matthew Inman, put it best with this comic about his dog:
Get better and live long little Wohin. I love you!
I Drink Beer & Write Music
This music project of mine that I started so long ago and that I’ve gotten so close to seeing come to fruition just seems to be the one hurdle in my life that I can never get over. Even now, when I’m only one song away from a completed album,
If anyone’s been wondering what’s been going on in my little apartment in Glendale, it’s just that: Beer & Music. The Stone brewery has opened up a store and taps for the drinking pleasure of many. My growler’s been filled multiple times with some of the most awesome beer. I’m sure that it’s getting a little out of hand now though. Not the alcohol. I’m not an alcoholic by any stretch (My dad probably disagrees) but I’m all about the craft beers now! I can’t just go out and have a beer! it’s got to be some special black IPA or a one off pour off a barrel aged ale! I’ve ruined beer with good beer!
Which isn’t really a bad thing. I’m loving all the new beer that I’ve been trying. Starting with the brewery trip to Stone last September I’ve been wanting to go to more and more breweries. I’ve visited the two close ones, Eagle Rock and Golden Road, but they were forgettable to say the least. I’ve been planning a trip to San Diego and San Francisco just for this reason, but it always seems to be too expensive or too much to plan. And there’s always so much else that needs to get done before I can go lolly-gagging around breweries up and down the west coast in Irbe. Like NWE bullshit work, Orrrrr. . .
and I have fellow musicians that are interested in completing the project, I just can’t seem to find the spark of creativity for that one last song. And I am tired of making excuses to myself for that. Like fixing Irbe or my last excuse. . .
This band has taken up every moment of my life over the last month. First they had to go and fire one of the founding member’s, bassist Adam Duce. The moment I read those words on my MacBook Pro’s display I imagined auditioning for the band. But these positions always go to prominent members in the community or temporarily to the tech that takes care of the behind the scenes duties to begin with. So I relaxed, and waited to hear who would get the gig.
And then these bastards had to go and offer up YouTube auditions for fans.
What. The. Fuck?!?! There goes the next week and a half of my life! I tell ya, those Machine Head guys have zero respect for the fans that are gonna try out, do they?? (If the guys from MH ever do read this, I would like it plainly stated that the last comments on the band and their actions are sarcasm. I don’t actually think they’re assholes or have little respect for their fans. In fact, they seem to care about their fans in a way that a lot of bands don’t. And I don’t even know them personally. So. Yeah.) And since I submitted my original vids to the band I’ve wanted to prepare myself for the long shot possibility of actually being able to audition with them in person, so I’ve learned an additional seven tracks and have six more to go! But then again, if there ever was an excuse as to why I would put Intelligi on hold, it would be to PRACTICE the shit out of 16 incredible Machine Head tracks in the hope of grabbing a spot as their bassist for the upcoming Mayhem tour. I mean, for fuck’s sake! I’ve been practicing like crazy for this shit, and had nothing but a bass in my hand whenever I’ve had the ability to do so. (Okay, there were some days where I crashed in front of the TV playing Army Of Two. My brain was fried, alright!!!) So even if I’ve taken time away from my creative musical outlet, I’ve just diverted it for a short term (Possibly long term! Fingers crossed!) to another creative musical outlet, all while keeping my chops up, if not giving them a boost. Really, not much to complain about other than my own selfish wish of completing my own project. Is it selfish is that the word I’m looking for? I’m not sure, but it does feel selfish to me. Which brings me to my final point.
And So Are Most Of You.
And That's Okay. . . Ish. . .
Everything that you have a problem with in your day to day life is most likely petty shit. All this post has been about is my petty problems and how I’m freaking out because I might not get some spot on the Machine Head tour. And I’m sure all of your problems are petty too. And if you say they aren’t, go ask the mother of the two boys that just bombed Boston. Go ask the family members of the people that died in West, TX. Ask ANYONE in Syria. And if you don’t, that’s fine. Cause their problems are theirs. That’s what makes problems problems. They’re all personal. And they only effect those that are involved with them. And as selfish as it is, I don’t think that I could get through my day if all that I thought about were the rest of the worlds problems. I’m not proud of it but I don’t lose sleep over it. And I honestly feel that if I was in the position to help I would, but I feel kind of helpless in that regard. There are small things that I could do, a group here I could join, a cause there that I could donate to. And I’ve done some of that in the past. But in the past I’ve found that the donation didn’t go where I wanted it to, or that the group I’ve helped with is full of scumbags who are more of a detriment than anything else. Which isn’t an excuse, but it doesn’t help.
I’m not saying that it’s okay to NOT feel for these people. Don’t ignore their suffering. Don’t believe that there problems aren’t bigger than yours. Don’t fail to recognize that their lives are on the line. That’s when it’s not okay. Because then your issues become the only ones in the world, and you become an entitled asshole who thinks that other people need to fix his issues. That’s when you turn into the miserable piece of shit that can’t be thankful for the fact that all of your issues are tiny, that you’ve got more than 99% of the world and you lead a good life. To those assholes, I raise a middle finger.
I’m just saying that I feel like shit on a daily basis because I feel like my problems are all bullshit but they’re all that I deal with. And I wish I could be the kind of person to drop my life and help others, but I just don’t have that in me. I’m selfish like that. And it’s okay because if I did ignore my problems I wouldn’t function, and I’d like to hope that my caring and feeling for those that are suffering is enough for now.
And to those that will drop their own problems, that will take the time to help out the people that are in need, I say thanks. Cause you’re braver and stronger than I. But while you’re out there helping, I’ll try to write some music that you can appreciate, or I’ll fix your computer for you, or would love to take you for a beer. Deal?
. . . of course it’s a fucking deal. You’re to nice to call me an asshole. . .
As sad as I am to update this post, I feel I have to. Wohin passed away on April 27, 2013. Just a week shy of the year anniversary of the date we found him in the pet shop in Burbank. I can only hope that his little fishy emotions are quelled and that he feels no more pain from the tumor that plagued him for months.
Rest in peace little friend.